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He has mostly straight friends and a few gay friends with whom he talks, studies, shops, and hangs with when not in class.
Returning to the issue of his ‘confinement’ in Tunisia, at his young age Ari feels the ennui of a privileged child who has been given a liberal early education at private schools, who comes from a family devoid of fundamentalist religious attitudes, who has developed an intelligent and wide-ranging open mindedness toward the West and has a worldliness beyond his peers whom he often finds boring and focused on shallow interests.
“I like opera and symphonies as well as pop; some of my peers think I am crazy but I don’t relate completely to this Tunisian culture. Also I want a husband, a monogamous one”, he said with the urgency of a impatient young gay male in the 21st century who is very aware of the bigger world beyond the shores of the Mediterranean.
I like European and American culture.” Being gay further alienates him from the vast majority of Tunisians and the Arab world: “I don’t feel Arab. This culture is too small for me.” He plans to move to west Europe to complete his university studies in architecture, a decision that is fortunately supported by his parents. He has miles and years to go to fulfill his dream and keeping the dream alive will take patience and careful planning.
All of which fuel an adventurous spirit of discovery and wonder and also ennui with the world around him.
Part of his ‘curse’ is being gay and privileged in a ‘third-world’ conservative Muslim country.
(French, along with Arabic, is the major language here; sophisticated Tunisians prefer to speak French.) Ari talks about himself expressively and pensively; restless and eager to tell his story of life from an early age (before 10) when he had his first carnal experience at the hands of a cousin, which Ari at first resisted then quickly liked after a few times. If I wasn’t gay I think I would not have felt the pleasure of it.” This went on until he was ten or eleven. I didn’t stay with him.” The doctor then thought Ari was depressed and gave him Prozac but it made him feel sleepy and buzzed. By the time he was twelve, in 2004, he was fully aware of what homosexuality is.
How funny life is so twisted.” Indeed, it’s a well-known secret within Muslim societies that young straight men are not virgins by the time they get married, having practiced on each other as teenagers.Outgoing and expressive he does not stay alone long.During our two hour talk his smartphone rang several times from friends at school as well as a couple of messages from his current boyfriend.Discovering one’s gay self in Tunisia is an uneven and unclear path especially when living singly without a community or tolerant society.
On the other hand, neither he is socially isolated.Seeking a reliable stable relationship with a foreigner is always a risky affair for any native LGBT Tunisian since the expat is very likely to leave after a period of time; most are on professional assignments to Tunisia (from Europe) and must return when they are reassigned or become homesick or lose their job.